Andrea and her husband David welcomed siblings Lottie and Eden into their family in March 2020, just before the first lockdown. Lottie was almost four and Eden was 14 months old.
“Those first few months were crazy; we were all suddenly stuck in a house together as basically strangers!” admits Andrea.
“Our children settled in amazingly, I think being stuck together in lockdown really helped us to bond as a family - although it didn’t feel positive at the time! I really do believe that adopting siblings together helped them to settle in quickly, as they had each other as a comfort. Lottie in particular, is very confident about telling people her story and I often hear her telling people that she’s really lucky because she has three mummies - a birth mum, a Costa mum (foster mum!) and a normal mum (that’s me!).”
Becoming a parent is exhausting at times but totally worth it
Andrea says: “I work in childcare, so was fully prepared for all the bits that come with young children - tantrums and cheekiness and mess etc. But I don’t think I was prepared for how exhausting it would be in those first few months, when it is non-stop, and there is no handing them off to someone else at the end of the day! Having two children also meant that we had to learn how to fairly divide our attention to try and keep everyone happy.”
Andrea and David have loved seeing their children grow and develop. David says: “Lottie had always been full of energy and a little whirlwind, but it has been lovely to watch her learn how to manage her emotions better over time, and be able to express how she’s feeling or what she needs. She’s eight now and has grown into the most confident, happy little girl.
“Eden was such an ‘easy’ baby, everyone said so at the beginning - she’s more than making up for it now as a cheeky five year old. I loved watching her develop her confidence and independence - she was so attached to her sister for a long time but has been able to build relationships and make friends with other children at school.”
Meeting birth mum was positive
Not all adopters have the opportunity to meet birth parents and if it is an option, your social worker will talk you through it and give you as much information as they can, so you can make the right decision for your family. Andrea and David did decide to meet the birth mum of their children.
Andrea says: “There are two things that I think had the biggest impact in our adoption journey. The first was having the opportunity to meet birth mum, which was something I was very nervous and unsure about. I was worried she would be angry or hostile towards us, or that she wouldn’t approve in a way, but I’m so glad we had the chance to get to know her a little bit and the meeting was really positive. She brought along some baby photos we’d not seen, and baby photos of herself so we could see how much the kids looked like her. We took a photo together and the kids love to look at that in their life story book, and if they ask something about their birth mum I can say ‘well she told me this…’
“The second thing was maintaining a relationship with the foster carers. Lottie was two and Eden was three days old when they first went to this foster placement, so they knew them so well and loved them immensely. I never wanted the children to feel like they’d lost another family when they left the foster carers, so we made sure to message, FaceTime, and then meet up once we could.
“They were an invaluable source of information for things we didn’t know - like had Lottie had chickenpox before as it was going around school. A quick text to the foster mum and we knew to expect her to catch it soon. Even now, four years later, we still FaceTime regularly and meet up for days out - I always say that the more people to love your kids the better.”
They have brought so much love and laughter to everyone’s lives
David says: “We got ‘firsts’ with Eden because she was younger - first crawl, first steps, first word. Initially I felt a little sad that we’d missed all of those with Lottie, but really that is still so little. We had first lost tooth, first day at school, and first time completing the monkey bars. I think my favourites are the first time that Lottie called us ‘mummy and daddy’ and the first time that Eden said, ‘I love you’.”
Andrea adds: “Our children are very much the same as all the other cousins and grandchildren within the family, there is no difference in how they are treated or loved. All of our family was incredibly supportive of our journey and still are. I suppose they are more aware of the adoption process and what it entails now.
“If you are thinking of adopting, I would say, ‘go for it’. We spent a long time waiting for the ‘right time’, but if you feel ready then it’s best to just get started.”
To start your journey today, complete our online enquiry form or call our friendly team for more information on 01942 487272.
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*Anonymous Adopter – Names and LA changed for confidentiality*